Deadlines and Drifting

I feel like a total flake.

I missed the used gear sale at REI today. And the E-Waste drop. And my conditioning hike. And going out with a friend tonight. (Sorry!! I swear I will NOT flake on you for the whale watching cruise tomorrow. Swear!!!!)

For some reason, deadlines make me drift. When I have a ton of work to do, I find myself staying awake later and later and later just to get it done, just because I can. Like right now. It's 1:00am. I'm taking a break from work to write this and try to decide...do I push through and finish the piece I'm working on today? I only have about two more hours of work on it, then I can move on to the next thing tomorrow. I could easily stay up and finish it tonight. Easy. Or I can try to wind down over the next hour, do some meditation, some reading, some aromatherapy. And maybe get to sleep by 2:00. Or 2:30. Honestly, I don't know. I'm not the least bit tired yet.

Sometimes there's no particular reason for the drift. This time, it's my own fault. I have a lot of work to do, on a virtually impossible deadline. That's nothing new. That's my job. It's fast-paced and unpredictable, but I would rather push deadlines constantly than sit in a cubicle all day or attend meetings about meetings about meetings. I like being super-busy and I really like the analysis phase of a project, even though it's the most tedious, time-consuming part. Sick, I know. But true.

The problem is that the analysis phase is when my mind really starts to click. I get in The Zone, where time flies and I don't even realize it's passing. It's where all the years of education, all the books I've ever read, all the theory I've ever learned, and all the data that I've collected over the last month have to come together in my head and emerge as something that not only makes sense, but is interesting and useful for my client. It's the real work, and I love it.

That sounds like a good thing, but for me it's really not. Because when I get in The Zone, I ignore the clock. I work on my body's time, when it feels right and when my mind is the sharpest. I'll work for hours and think only one went by. Tonight, I went to the bookstore to work for a couple of hours - and was there for six and a half. I had a pumpkin spice latte for dinner. I literally forgot to eat real food. I thought I had plenty of time and then Poof! It was midnight. The cafe started shutting down around me and I felt like Cinderella, shocked that the clock was already announcing my forced return to reality.

I could work all night if I didn't force myself to stop. I'm kind of faking myself out right now. I've stopped working, but I'm still working on this. I'm hoping my brain will start to wind down so I can get some sleep. When I drift later at night, I also drift later in the morning. This, of course, is the real problem.

That's why I missed everything I had scheduled today. I knew I had to get in at least 10 hours of work on top of all that, which meant that I had to get up early AND stay up late to fit it all in. I didn't get up early. I didn't wake up until 11:30am after working really late last night. By then, I'd missed Plans 1 through 3. Looking at the time and assessing the amount of work I had to get done, I realized I'd also be missing Plan 4.

The good news is that I got a lot of work done today, and I may still get more accomplished before the night is over. The bad news is that I have no idea what time I'll get to sleep, or what time I'll wake up tomorrow. That could be a problem, since I have some serious non-negotiable, non-flakeable plans that I absolutely cannot miss. A boat is leaving the dock and I absolutely must be on it when it does, in order to prove that I can, in fact, commit to something. (Yeah, not my strong point without the DSPS, I know.)

For once, I'm actually hoping the Superman Alarm Clock is set bright and early. Maybe he'll break out the drum set? Please?? But just this once.