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Note to Superman's Nanny: When he's throwing a full-on meltdown temper tantrum bright and early in the morning, right in front of my bedroom windows, it's probably not an effective technique to just stand there and repeat, "You need to be quiet, the woman who lives right there is working," over and over and over.
You might want to actually do something. Like move somewhere private. Comfort him. Give him a time out. I don't know what, but something other than making someone else the bad guy and being completely ineffectual.
That is all.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Deadlines and Drifting
I feel like a total flake.
I missed the used gear sale at REI today. And the E-Waste drop. And my conditioning hike. And going out with a friend tonight. (Sorry!! I swear I will NOT flake on you for the whale watching cruise tomorrow. Swear!!!!)
For some reason, deadlines make me drift. When I have a ton of work to do, I find myself staying awake later and later and later just to get it done, just because I can. Like right now. It's 1:00am. I'm taking a break from work to write this and try to decide...do I push through and finish the piece I'm working on today? I only have about two more hours of work on it, then I can move on to the next thing tomorrow. I could easily stay up and finish it tonight. Easy. Or I can try to wind down over the next hour, do some meditation, some reading, some aromatherapy. And maybe get to sleep by 2:00. Or 2:30. Honestly, I don't know. I'm not the least bit tired yet.
Sometimes there's no particular reason for the drift. This time, it's my own fault. I have a lot of work to do, on a virtually impossible deadline. That's nothing new. That's my job. It's fast-paced and unpredictable, but I would rather push deadlines constantly than sit in a cubicle all day or attend meetings about meetings about meetings. I like being super-busy and I really like the analysis phase of a project, even though it's the most tedious, time-consuming part. Sick, I know. But true.
The problem is that the analysis phase is when my mind really starts to click. I get in The Zone, where time flies and I don't even realize it's passing. It's where all the years of education, all the books I've ever read, all the theory I've ever learned, and all the data that I've collected over the last month have to come together in my head and emerge as something that not only makes sense, but is interesting and useful for my client. It's the real work, and I love it.
That sounds like a good thing, but for me it's really not. Because when I get in The Zone, I ignore the clock. I work on my body's time, when it feels right and when my mind is the sharpest. I'll work for hours and think only one went by. Tonight, I went to the bookstore to work for a couple of hours - and was there for six and a half. I had a pumpkin spice latte for dinner. I literally forgot to eat real food. I thought I had plenty of time and then Poof! It was midnight. The cafe started shutting down around me and I felt like Cinderella, shocked that the clock was already announcing my forced return to reality.
I could work all night if I didn't force myself to stop. I'm kind of faking myself out right now. I've stopped working, but I'm still working on this. I'm hoping my brain will start to wind down so I can get some sleep. When I drift later at night, I also drift later in the morning. This, of course, is the real problem.
That's why I missed everything I had scheduled today. I knew I had to get in at least 10 hours of work on top of all that, which meant that I had to get up early AND stay up late to fit it all in. I didn't get up early. I didn't wake up until 11:30am after working really late last night. By then, I'd missed Plans 1 through 3. Looking at the time and assessing the amount of work I had to get done, I realized I'd also be missing Plan 4.
The good news is that I got a lot of work done today, and I may still get more accomplished before the night is over. The bad news is that I have no idea what time I'll get to sleep, or what time I'll wake up tomorrow. That could be a problem, since I have some serious non-negotiable, non-flakeable plans that I absolutely cannot miss. A boat is leaving the dock and I absolutely must be on it when it does, in order to prove that I can, in fact, commit to something. (Yeah, not my strong point without the DSPS, I know.)
For once, I'm actually hoping the Superman Alarm Clock is set bright and early. Maybe he'll break out the drum set? Please?? But just this once.
I missed the used gear sale at REI today. And the E-Waste drop. And my conditioning hike. And going out with a friend tonight. (Sorry!! I swear I will NOT flake on you for the whale watching cruise tomorrow. Swear!!!!)
For some reason, deadlines make me drift. When I have a ton of work to do, I find myself staying awake later and later and later just to get it done, just because I can. Like right now. It's 1:00am. I'm taking a break from work to write this and try to decide...do I push through and finish the piece I'm working on today? I only have about two more hours of work on it, then I can move on to the next thing tomorrow. I could easily stay up and finish it tonight. Easy. Or I can try to wind down over the next hour, do some meditation, some reading, some aromatherapy. And maybe get to sleep by 2:00. Or 2:30. Honestly, I don't know. I'm not the least bit tired yet.
Sometimes there's no particular reason for the drift. This time, it's my own fault. I have a lot of work to do, on a virtually impossible deadline. That's nothing new. That's my job. It's fast-paced and unpredictable, but I would rather push deadlines constantly than sit in a cubicle all day or attend meetings about meetings about meetings. I like being super-busy and I really like the analysis phase of a project, even though it's the most tedious, time-consuming part. Sick, I know. But true.
The problem is that the analysis phase is when my mind really starts to click. I get in The Zone, where time flies and I don't even realize it's passing. It's where all the years of education, all the books I've ever read, all the theory I've ever learned, and all the data that I've collected over the last month have to come together in my head and emerge as something that not only makes sense, but is interesting and useful for my client. It's the real work, and I love it.
That sounds like a good thing, but for me it's really not. Because when I get in The Zone, I ignore the clock. I work on my body's time, when it feels right and when my mind is the sharpest. I'll work for hours and think only one went by. Tonight, I went to the bookstore to work for a couple of hours - and was there for six and a half. I had a pumpkin spice latte for dinner. I literally forgot to eat real food. I thought I had plenty of time and then Poof! It was midnight. The cafe started shutting down around me and I felt like Cinderella, shocked that the clock was already announcing my forced return to reality.
I could work all night if I didn't force myself to stop. I'm kind of faking myself out right now. I've stopped working, but I'm still working on this. I'm hoping my brain will start to wind down so I can get some sleep. When I drift later at night, I also drift later in the morning. This, of course, is the real problem.
That's why I missed everything I had scheduled today. I knew I had to get in at least 10 hours of work on top of all that, which meant that I had to get up early AND stay up late to fit it all in. I didn't get up early. I didn't wake up until 11:30am after working really late last night. By then, I'd missed Plans 1 through 3. Looking at the time and assessing the amount of work I had to get done, I realized I'd also be missing Plan 4.
The good news is that I got a lot of work done today, and I may still get more accomplished before the night is over. The bad news is that I have no idea what time I'll get to sleep, or what time I'll wake up tomorrow. That could be a problem, since I have some serious non-negotiable, non-flakeable plans that I absolutely cannot miss. A boat is leaving the dock and I absolutely must be on it when it does, in order to prove that I can, in fact, commit to something. (Yeah, not my strong point without the DSPS, I know.)
For once, I'm actually hoping the Superman Alarm Clock is set bright and early. Maybe he'll break out the drum set? Please?? But just this once.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Superman Has Left The Building!
It's Saturday morning and the sun is shining into my bedroom window. I wake up, feeling pretty good. I glance at the clock - double-take!! It's 10:30am.
I don't know if Superman's suddenly learned how to be quiet, if he's gone for the weekend, or if I was finally so exhausted that I just slept right through the morning chaos. Doesn't matter - I slept!!!!
Of course, I have to leave in an hour and a half for a friend's baby shower, then go straight from that to another friend's 40th birthday party. I have a million things to do like pick up the champagne, sign the cards, and pack for my big hike the next day. I'm so used to having an automatic Superman alarm clock that I didn't bother to set one - and now it seems inevitable that I'll be late, as usual.
Sure enough, it's 12:45 before I make it out the door - and there's traffic. I figure it's not too bad to arrive almost an hour late to a baby shower...until I walk in and find that it's an extremely formal sit-down affair, complete with table service and china. I thought I'd be missing some silly game that involved diapers and toilet paper, but what I really missed was foofy sandwiches and a chance to actually TALK to my pregnant friend. Ah well. Onward.
At least I wasn't late to the 40th birthday party - which ROCKED! It was another formal affair, with wine tasting, Italian caterers and live music. No, that's not just bad grammar. Yes, the food was Italian too. But the caterers were the highlight of the evening in my book! Hey, I've been so busy at work that I forgot to bring my own hot date and my friend's hot firefighter husband was at work saving cats from trees or something, so at least the two of us had something to admire from afar.
Parties are the awesome end of the delayed sleep phase spectrum. People started crashing around 1:30am or so, but I was wide awake (and relatively sober) and was able to get some meditation and reading in before I hit the guest bedroom around 2:45am. Perfect timing for me! I had yet another blissful full night's sleep and was ready to haul my partied-out self up a mountain the next day.
Which I did. 12 miles worth of mountain, on about 400 calories. I kinda forgot to eat anything but a hard boiled egg, a few slices of apple, and a smashed-up, melted chocolate Power Bar that I dug out of the bottom of my backpack halfway through the hike. Oops.
I got home around 6:00pm, did a few restorative yoga poses...and fell asleep on the couch at 9:00!!!!!!! When I opened my eyes again, it was 11:30. I dragged myself to bed and...laid there. I was totally exhausted, but my body seems to have treated my early crash-out as a late-afternoon nap. It wasn't about to go back to sleep until my normal time. Just like I expected, I finally fell back asleep around 1:30. Ahh!!
Which brings me to this morning. I opened my eyes to find the sun in a rather high position again. Looked at the clock. 10:30!!!! Another Superhero-less morning!!!!!!!
Wherever he is, I hope he stays there. I think my sleep-debt is just about paid off. Now if only I could do something about that school debt...
I don't know if Superman's suddenly learned how to be quiet, if he's gone for the weekend, or if I was finally so exhausted that I just slept right through the morning chaos. Doesn't matter - I slept!!!!
Of course, I have to leave in an hour and a half for a friend's baby shower, then go straight from that to another friend's 40th birthday party. I have a million things to do like pick up the champagne, sign the cards, and pack for my big hike the next day. I'm so used to having an automatic Superman alarm clock that I didn't bother to set one - and now it seems inevitable that I'll be late, as usual.
Sure enough, it's 12:45 before I make it out the door - and there's traffic. I figure it's not too bad to arrive almost an hour late to a baby shower...until I walk in and find that it's an extremely formal sit-down affair, complete with table service and china. I thought I'd be missing some silly game that involved diapers and toilet paper, but what I really missed was foofy sandwiches and a chance to actually TALK to my pregnant friend. Ah well. Onward.
At least I wasn't late to the 40th birthday party - which ROCKED! It was another formal affair, with wine tasting, Italian caterers and live music. No, that's not just bad grammar. Yes, the food was Italian too. But the caterers were the highlight of the evening in my book! Hey, I've been so busy at work that I forgot to bring my own hot date and my friend's hot firefighter husband was at work saving cats from trees or something, so at least the two of us had something to admire from afar.
Parties are the awesome end of the delayed sleep phase spectrum. People started crashing around 1:30am or so, but I was wide awake (and relatively sober) and was able to get some meditation and reading in before I hit the guest bedroom around 2:45am. Perfect timing for me! I had yet another blissful full night's sleep and was ready to haul my partied-out self up a mountain the next day.
Which I did. 12 miles worth of mountain, on about 400 calories. I kinda forgot to eat anything but a hard boiled egg, a few slices of apple, and a smashed-up, melted chocolate Power Bar that I dug out of the bottom of my backpack halfway through the hike. Oops.
I got home around 6:00pm, did a few restorative yoga poses...and fell asleep on the couch at 9:00!!!!!!! When I opened my eyes again, it was 11:30. I dragged myself to bed and...laid there. I was totally exhausted, but my body seems to have treated my early crash-out as a late-afternoon nap. It wasn't about to go back to sleep until my normal time. Just like I expected, I finally fell back asleep around 1:30. Ahh!!
Which brings me to this morning. I opened my eyes to find the sun in a rather high position again. Looked at the clock. 10:30!!!! Another Superhero-less morning!!!!!!!
Wherever he is, I hope he stays there. I think my sleep-debt is just about paid off. Now if only I could do something about that school debt...
Friday, September 5, 2008
Interesting Little Piece
This clip from the Australian show Catalyst has some good info about circadian rhythms in general, and is one of the first I've seen that even mentions what I call "sleep hangovers" - the nausea and malaise so many of us experience when we're off our natural rhythm.
Although this is about people with a normal circadian rhythm, those of us with DSPS are doing shift work all the time when we're forced to work the day shift. I find it interesting that it's apparently perfectly okay for someone to say that they're just not cut out for the night shift and need to go back to daytime work, but when we say we're not cut out for the day shift, all hell breaks loose.
And for what it's worth, the part in the video linking circadian rhythm abnormalities and bipolar disorder doesn't really seem to fit...I'm not sure why that's in there. It doesn't seem earth-shattering to me that you can tell that someone's coming up on a manic episode because they stop sleeping. That doesn't prove that bipolar disorder is linked to circadian rhythm disorders, just that people who are having manic episodes stop sleeping. It's a totally different thing.
Anyway, overall it's a pretty short and interesting clip about how circadian rhythms are supposed to work, even if it is a bit lacking on what happens when they don't work that way.
Although this is about people with a normal circadian rhythm, those of us with DSPS are doing shift work all the time when we're forced to work the day shift. I find it interesting that it's apparently perfectly okay for someone to say that they're just not cut out for the night shift and need to go back to daytime work, but when we say we're not cut out for the day shift, all hell breaks loose.
And for what it's worth, the part in the video linking circadian rhythm abnormalities and bipolar disorder doesn't really seem to fit...I'm not sure why that's in there. It doesn't seem earth-shattering to me that you can tell that someone's coming up on a manic episode because they stop sleeping. That doesn't prove that bipolar disorder is linked to circadian rhythm disorders, just that people who are having manic episodes stop sleeping. It's a totally different thing.
Anyway, overall it's a pretty short and interesting clip about how circadian rhythms are supposed to work, even if it is a bit lacking on what happens when they don't work that way.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Yawnese
I'm listening to some of my audio dissertation data today. Yes my friends, Hell just might have frozen over! I'm working on this thing again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not transcribing the data yet. But I am digitizing it - one baby step at a time!
For those of you who haven't been following my illustrious career (ha!!), I rode along with parole agents for two years. Two years of meeting them before dawn, so they could wake up those "lazy" parolees bright and early. I ran audio the whole time, because I knew I'd never remember a damn thing that happened at 6:00am.
You know what's jumping out at me from the tapes? Me. Yawning. Repeatedly. And trying to talk at the same time. It's pretty funny, actually. I can't even understand myself, but it's super-clear that I was exhausted. Know what's really funny? The last five minutes have been of me, all pissed off because I forgot to put tape in the video camera and missed a really good interaction. Because I was so tired.
No wonder I haven't finished this damn thing. Go figure.
For those of you who haven't been following my illustrious career (ha!!), I rode along with parole agents for two years. Two years of meeting them before dawn, so they could wake up those "lazy" parolees bright and early. I ran audio the whole time, because I knew I'd never remember a damn thing that happened at 6:00am.
You know what's jumping out at me from the tapes? Me. Yawning. Repeatedly. And trying to talk at the same time. It's pretty funny, actually. I can't even understand myself, but it's super-clear that I was exhausted. Know what's really funny? The last five minutes have been of me, all pissed off because I forgot to put tape in the video camera and missed a really good interaction. Because I was so tired.
No wonder I haven't finished this damn thing. Go figure.
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