Lesser of Two Evils?

Three weeks later, my sleep schedule is still a bit lark-ish, although more complicated than I would like to see. Once my pattern had shifted to a 7-8am wake up time, I decided to start using melatonin again to see if I could maintain that pattern. I'd tried it before, without much luck. It would help me fall asleep earlier, but didn't do much for my wake up time. And it only did that for a few days before it stopped working.

I thought that maybe now that my body had shifted in response to the stress, I could use the melatonin to maintain that shift indefinitely. So I busted out the Plantidotes Nite-trition:


Good stuff! You know what? It's working. If I don't take it, I sleep until my normal 9-10am wake up time and generally wake up a lot during the night now too. (Yeah, the ongoing nightmares don't help.) But if I do take it, about half an hour before bed, I sleep through the night and wake up between 7:00 and 8:00am. Amazing!!!!

I know there are all kinds of theories about when you should take the melatonin, but this is what's working for me now, and I'm not going to mess with it. This way, I still don't wake up early enough to get to a corporate job or some such thing, but it's perfect for my work-at-home lifestyle.

Unfortunately, normalcy still comes with a price. The Sleep Hangovers are at their worst ever, with no sign of letting up. This means that some days it doesn't matter that I wake up early because I'm literally so nauseated that I can't get out of bed for an hour or two anyway. Other days I get up just long enough to stumble to the bathroom and throw up, then crawl back in bed waiting for it to go away. If I fall back asleep until my normal 9-10am, I'll wake up feeling just fine.

Plus, the complete lack of coordination has definitely taken a toll on me physically. I now have a bona fide Sleep Hangover related injury.


And no, there's just no way to take a flattering photo of your own thigh. My leg isn't really that wavy, that's light coming in through wavy window glass. That is, however, a very bad tan line. I drive a convertible, and that's the price you pay. :-P

How, you ask, did this happen??? I tried to make tea with a bad sleep hangover. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, obviously. I have a vintage oven that is definitely not up to 2008 safety standards, especially that really sharp part of the oven door handle. Shall we say my spatial judgment was, oh, a *bit* off? I ran smack into it and ended up curled up on the floor, howling in pain and bleeding.

So...again I ask, is it worth it?? I'm still not sure which schedule I prefer. When I wake up at my normal time, I'm always a bit groggy and mornings are never chirpy, bright and happy. But I can make tea without killing myself, and I can keep it down when I drink it.

Those are good things, I think.

The experiment continues...send vibes that I live through it!

Sleep Hangovers

Two weeks later, and my strangely normal sleeping patterns continue. Hmm. But the side effects are starting to add up.

The morning nausea isn't going away, it's getting worse. Much worse. I wake up every morning feeling hungover, even though I haven't had any alcohol since The Blindside. This, of course, is despite strong encouragement from my friends who truly believe that booze is the cure for whatever ails you. Not so. Alcohol is a depressant and that is exactly what I don't need right now. If I drink when I'm already depressed or stressed out about something, it just intensifies the feeling and makes everything worse. So I don't. Besides, I already feel like crap and I don' t need to feel worse in the morning.

This time though, I can't seem to avoid that sick hangover feeling. Yes, I'm waking up really, really, super early for me. (I'm working on this blog before 9:00am!!!! Never in a million years thought that would happen.) At first, it almost seemed worth it. A couple weeks in, and I'm not so sure anymore.

Not only is the nausea getting worse, but so are the general signs of sleep deprivation. I'm waking up earlier than usual, but not falling asleep earlier. I'm usually a long sleeper - 9 to 10 hours is ideal, and I feel pretty good when I can get that in at the right time of day. Since The Blindside, I'm only getting about 7 hours a night.

That's clearly not enough. I'm exhausted in the afternoon, and I'm starting to lack focus throughout the day rather than just in the mornings. I tripped carrying groceries up my three steps yesterday. Damn that hurt. I've become a total klutz All. Day. Long. My house is a total mess because I just don't have the energy to do anything more than the basic survival stuff. I have piles of books all over the living room floor that I pulled out for work, but I just don't have the energy to lift them back up to put them away. I managed to assemble (and use) the Spinning bike I bought on that fateful day, but the box is huge and needs to be torn down, cut up, and hauled out to the recycling bin. I just can't do it.

I'm torn. I love being up early. I truly love mornings. That surprises me as much as anyone. But I want to be able to wake up early and not feel like I downed a few shots of tequila and mixed it with a whole bottle of Napa cab the night before. All the hangover, none of the buzz. It's just not right.

How to Become a Lark

Well, it's been a while since I've posted here. I got sidetracked by lots of work travel, then getting my heart ripped out by the very guy who made up the word "burgermare." Yes, he's gone. Moving on...

The interesting thing is that in the week since it happened, my body chemistry seems to have completely changed. First, my sleep patterns were all over the clock. For a couple of days I couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. 12-2am, 4:30-7:00am, 3:30-5:00pm, etc. It was insanity. And when I was tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open for One. More. Second. I'd drop off to sleep wherever I happened to be, in the middle of whatever I happened to be doing.

The next few days, I woke up around 4:30am, wide awake. I had mixed feelings about it. It was really nice to be up early, out of bed, and getting a head start on the day. I found that I truly love mornings. The light is beautiful, the streets are peaceful. So. This is what I'm missing. Hmm.

For the next couple of days, it was 7:00am. I realized that I'd started drifting back to "normal" and the feelings got even more mixed. Could I stop the process here?? That would be perfect! If I could settle in on an 11pm - 7am sleep cycle, I'd be the happiest newly single girl in the world. Is it possible?

But on the flip side, whatever hormonal freak-out was waking me up early did absolutely nothing for those weird side-effects. I wasn't groggy, but I was still uncoordinated. And the morning nausea? Increased tenfold. Usually, I just feel a bit queasy when I wake up. My gag reflex is super-sensitive, and brushing my teeth is tricky. I can't eat for at least an hour, often more.

All of that stuff was intensified, or just oddly opposite. Instead of being a bit queasy, I've actually thrown up every morning. Instead of being groggy, my heart races out of control in a panic. I'm not just uncoordinated, I can barely walk. I knock everything over and I've broken two glass bottles of moisturizer just trying to reach for my toothbrush. I don't remember anything. What was I looking for? Oh yeah, deodorant. So then I grab the hairspray and wonder again, what was I looking for? My love for coffee? It's turned to loathing. I can't even imagine drinking coffee in the morning right now. The thought makes me sick.

It all makes me ponder the causes of this crazy thing, and wonder if there really is a solution out there. We know there's a genetic component. We know there's a hormonal component. What insane combination of things made stress and emotional trauma override my natural rhythms? And how long will it last? Can we figure it out, bottle it, and force ourselves to become like everyone else?

Last night, I wasn't tired until 1:00am. I slept until 8:15am, which is still quite early for me. But my wake-up time is moving back toward my own personal normal, and I think my brief glimpse of Lark Life might be coming to an end.

I'll miss it. Truly.

Wanna break my heart? It was almost worth it.