Time Zone Hopping

"We're all tired in the morning."

Well...maybe. But hearing this from colleagues is always frustrating. If you've been awake for a few hours, had breakfast and hit the hotel gym before meeting me in the lobby at 8:30am to get to the office by 9:00, our worlds are not the same. My "tired" is clearly not your "tired."

Crappy Writing Alert and Apologies in Advance - this is written on less than three hours of sleep.

Last night, I actually thought things were going to go better than usual. I woke up at the crack of dawn in Pacific Time and took an earlier flight to Central Time than I usually do on these trips. I decided that I'd rather take the hit on the front end than try to stay focused during a really important all-day analysis session on the back end, with no sleep. I got to the hotel with plenty of time to try to fake myself out and pretend my body's not two hours behind its already delayed rhythm.

After checking in, I have dinner with colleagues, finish up some last minute work, and am surprised to find that it's already midnight. Since this is only 10:00pm my time, I'm not at all tired yet. The realization that I have to wake up in 7 hours hits me hard though, and I decide to try to get some sleep.

At first I panic when I realize that I've forgotten my melatonin, but then I decide to just do some meditation and tuck myself into the big, comfy hotel bed anyway. (Gotta love those hotel beds!!!) I do just that, and find myself hunkering down for the night just before 1:00am.

I close my eyes, stay grounded and centered, focus on my breathing and convince myself that I will, in fact, be sound asleep very soon. My mind starts to wander. I think about the oddest things. My ex-boyfriend. My two exes ago boyfriend. Then I think about why I didn't think about the boyfriend in between. I think about my job, and the book I'm reading and my career path. I think. And think. And think. And try to clear my mind and not think. And think about not thinking about not sleeping. What I don't do is sleep.

Whatever I do, I am NOT going to open my eyes and look at the clock. I'm going to lay here for as long as it takes to fall asleep. Period. Looking will just stress me out and make things worse. I don't sleep for what seems like forever.

I cave. One eye opens and catches the hotel alarm clock - it's 2:40am. I haven't slept a wink. Terror strikes as I realize that best case scenario, I'm getting less than five hours of sleep tonight. And experience tells me this won't be a "best case" kinda night.

Okay. Maybe if I read for a while, I'll fall asleep. I turn on the light and finish that book I was thinking about. It's 3:17am when I'm done. That's 1:17am my time, so I should be getting tired now - and I am. But the stress has taken over. I count down...less than four hours until Alarm Time.

The last time I check the clock, it's 4:03am, which is 2:03am my time and just about the time I've been crashing out lately. Sure enough, this is when I finally fall into a deep, restful sleep...and less than three hours later, the alarm bells ring.

Morning does not go well. I'm nauseated - which lasts all day. I can't find anything in my tiny suitcase, even though I know I've packed everything. I know, because I packed it the night before I had to head to the airport - doing it in advance is the only way to be sure I don't forget something crucial.

Stumbling down to the hotel lobby, I see my co-workers already waiting for me - perky and alert. I buy the biggest coffee I can at the lobby cafe while they wait patiently, and I am pleasantly surprised - and extremely grateful - when one of them actually asks how I slept and acknowledges how hard this must be for me, between the DSPS and the time zone change.

This is really nice. Just a few words of support and acknowledgment mean so much to me, so different than that line I used to get from them, "We're all tired in the morning." At the meeting, nobody asks me to present my data first, and I don't feel like I have to pretend to be at my best, when I'm so obviously not. It feels good to just accept my exhaustion and know that I'm doing my best, and know that they know that too.

Maybe there's hope for some understanding of circadian rhythm disorders after all. Right now, I'm optimistic.