How to Become a Lark

Well, it's been a while since I've posted here. I got sidetracked by lots of work travel, then getting my heart ripped out by the very guy who made up the word "burgermare." Yes, he's gone. Moving on...

The interesting thing is that in the week since it happened, my body chemistry seems to have completely changed. First, my sleep patterns were all over the clock. For a couple of days I couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. 12-2am, 4:30-7:00am, 3:30-5:00pm, etc. It was insanity. And when I was tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open for One. More. Second. I'd drop off to sleep wherever I happened to be, in the middle of whatever I happened to be doing.

The next few days, I woke up around 4:30am, wide awake. I had mixed feelings about it. It was really nice to be up early, out of bed, and getting a head start on the day. I found that I truly love mornings. The light is beautiful, the streets are peaceful. So. This is what I'm missing. Hmm.

For the next couple of days, it was 7:00am. I realized that I'd started drifting back to "normal" and the feelings got even more mixed. Could I stop the process here?? That would be perfect! If I could settle in on an 11pm - 7am sleep cycle, I'd be the happiest newly single girl in the world. Is it possible?

But on the flip side, whatever hormonal freak-out was waking me up early did absolutely nothing for those weird side-effects. I wasn't groggy, but I was still uncoordinated. And the morning nausea? Increased tenfold. Usually, I just feel a bit queasy when I wake up. My gag reflex is super-sensitive, and brushing my teeth is tricky. I can't eat for at least an hour, often more.

All of that stuff was intensified, or just oddly opposite. Instead of being a bit queasy, I've actually thrown up every morning. Instead of being groggy, my heart races out of control in a panic. I'm not just uncoordinated, I can barely walk. I knock everything over and I've broken two glass bottles of moisturizer just trying to reach for my toothbrush. I don't remember anything. What was I looking for? Oh yeah, deodorant. So then I grab the hairspray and wonder again, what was I looking for? My love for coffee? It's turned to loathing. I can't even imagine drinking coffee in the morning right now. The thought makes me sick.

It all makes me ponder the causes of this crazy thing, and wonder if there really is a solution out there. We know there's a genetic component. We know there's a hormonal component. What insane combination of things made stress and emotional trauma override my natural rhythms? And how long will it last? Can we figure it out, bottle it, and force ourselves to become like everyone else?

Last night, I wasn't tired until 1:00am. I slept until 8:15am, which is still quite early for me. But my wake-up time is moving back toward my own personal normal, and I think my brief glimpse of Lark Life might be coming to an end.

I'll miss it. Truly.

Wanna break my heart? It was almost worth it.